From Tourist to Tokyo Mom: How One Woman Built a Life in Japan
Chantelle KincyWhen Canadian freelance writer and occasional voice actor Kay A. first touched down in Japan at age 21, she had no idea the trip would change her life. Now, more than a decade later, she’s not just a traveler—she’s a mother, wife, and long-time resident of Tokyo. On this episode of Go Far Girl, Kay opens up about what led her to Japan, how she built a life abroad, and what it’s really like to raise a child in a culture that isn’t her own.
A Lifelong Fascination with Japan
Kay’s love for Japan didn’t begin with that first flight overseas—it started much earlier. As a child, a Japanese exchange student named Momoko introduced her to colorful comics and cute stationery. Later, shows like Sailor Moon and an obsession with video games and anime deepened her interest.
By the time she was a teenager, Kay knew she wanted to experience Japan for herself. Inspired by a teacher whose niece taught English there, she began laying the groundwork for a future move.
The First Trip: Cherry Blossoms and Guidebooks
Her first visit was short—just three weeks—but it was enough to make a lasting impression. In the pre-smartphone era, she relied on a guidebook to explore Tokyo, Kyoto, and Osaka during cherry blossom season. What stood out most? The sense of safety, beauty, and serenity.
“I felt really comfortable,” Kay recalled. “It was a safe, comfortable country.”
That comfort inspired her to apply to the prestigious JET (Japan Exchange and Teaching) Program. It took months of interviews and paperwork, but she was accepted—and a year later, she was back in Japan to live and work.
The Reality of Living Abroad
Life as an expat wasn’t always cherry blossoms and convenience stores. Kay quickly learned that visiting a country and living in it are two very different experiences. Loneliness, homesickness, and cultural barriers made the adjustment harder than expected.
“Missing my family and friends was the hardest part,” she shared. “I had friends in Japan, but friendships take time to deepen. And many people leave after a year or two.”
Cultural differences added another layer. One of the biggest shocks? The level of indirectness in communication.
“In Japan, people don’t always say what they mean. It’s about preserving harmony,” she explained. “At first, I took everything literally.”
Over time, she learned to read between the lines—and eventually, she adapted to the rhythm of life in Japan.
A Love Story—and a Life Decision
During her time in Japan, Kay met her now-husband, a Japanese native. They lived together in Canada for a while during her graduate studies, but ultimately decided Japan was the best place to settle down.
Now married and raising a daughter in Tokyo, Kay finds herself reflecting on the journey—and how parenting in another country has helped her better understand her own immigrant parents.
“My mom didn’t know how to raise a kid in Canada. And now I get it. There’s no manual for parenting in a different culture.”
Creating Connection Through Writing
Feeling isolated and confused as a new mom in Japan, Kay began her blog Tiny Tot in Tokyo as a way to share her experiences and connect with others in similar situations. It’s part parenting journal, part cultural guide, and part legacy for her daughter.
“I hope one day she’ll read it and understand what it was like for me to raise her here.”
Final Words of Advice
For women dreaming of moving abroad but feeling overwhelmed, Kay offers this: “It’s okay to be scared. But if you have the opportunity—take the leap. The worst that can happen is you go home. The best? Your whole life could change.”
Follow Kay’s Journey:
Check out Tiny Tot in Tokyo to explore more of Kay’s stories about life, motherhood, and travel in Japan. And don’t miss next week’s Go Far Girl episode, where Kay shares her favorite destinations and insider tips for visiting Japan, especially with kids in tow.
