19 Ways Owning a Dog Can Ruin You
They say a dog is a man’s best friend, yet little did they know that this friendship could lead to your slow, adorable downfall.
Your Sense of Time is Off
Dogs, unlike clocks, work on an internal schedule. Their world runs on routines that start with the sunrise and end with the other sunrise. This can gaslight you into believing 6 AM is the ideal hour for breakfast.
No More Perfectly Arranged Furniture
Photo credit: Depositphotos
The days of spotless, designer-labeled couches are over. Dog ownership ushers in a new era of fabric for canines and ensures that your living space carries a scent profile fit for a wolf.
Fashion Has a New Definition
Forget high heels and tailored suits. Your fashion sense now revolves around pants that hide dog hair, T-shirts with paw prints, and hats that shield you from slobber.
Personal Space Becomes a Mythic Concept
Gone are the days of solo bathroom trips or napping without a tail in your face. Dogs write a new rulebook on what personal space entails – or rather, what it doesn’t.
Weekend Plans? Changed Forever
Dog’s weekends are the same as weekdays—full of activity and companionship. Your concept of a weekend “chill” is now an alien one.
A dog owner in a popular online forum said, “It really limits travel plans. You can leave a cat for a few days with enough food and water, but a dog needs a babysitter, boarding, or to just go with you. My fiancee and I have been trying to plan a trip to Europe and the dogs are the most challenging aspect.”
The Art of Silence Is Lost
Whether it’s midnight or noon, a dog can wake the dead with a rustling of the ears. Your home will never again know the peace of whispers and solitary thoughts.
Home Security Measures are Inadequate
Think your alarm system is top-notch? Your furry friend will find security gaps you didn’t know existed, like the window that offers a better squirrel view.
Socializing Becomes A Walk in the Park – Literally
Your social life shifts to the park. Convos often start with “What’s your dog’s name?” and end with 45 minutes of back-and-forth about kibble brands and behavioral quirks.
Saying the Word “No” Breaks Your Heart
Your index finger learns to stay put because the power of “no” dissipates before sad, brown eyes. Your dog will inadvertently teach you the art of negotiation.
The Sinkhole Called Vet Bills
Unexpected expenses are hidden around every corner, under every chewed-up shoe. The term “vet fund” will become a part of your financial planning lexicon.
The Presence of Dog Hair in Your Food is Abhorrent
You’ll order takeout only from places where “dog-friendly” means dog-friendly—placemats perpetually come adorned with hair samples.
Your Shoes Are No Longer Your Shoes
When you have a dog, your shoes become chew toys. Your once-prized sneakers will now be adorned with teeth marks.
The Eternal Search for the Perfect Dog Park
It’s out there, the perfectly shaded, universally sanitized, dog-heaven lined with dog walkers who lecture on the best life hacks for pets. Good luck finding it.
The Art of Agility—in Dog Terms
Your acrobatics need to match your dog’s maneuvers during bath time. I hope you’ve been stretching.
You Become Fluent in a Dark Art – Poop Bags Don’t Come with Instructions
You may start out using three, then slowly master the one-setting clean-up. Reward yourself for a job well done—perhaps with some hand sanitizer.
The Invisible Leash – It Tugs at Your Conscience
Even when not in use, the leash constantly tugs on your mind, reminding you of your four-legged partner’s walks and the inexplicable joy they bring.
You’ll Develop a Prototypical Dog Picture Stance
Two-thirds of your gallery will feature this stance: one hand on the leash, the other clutching a festooned doggie bag, with an eternal grin across your face.
Outings are Now Field Trips
A simple trip to the gas station becomes a venturous expedition that requires calculations for pee breaks and treats allocation.
You’ll Wonder How You Ever Lived Without Them
Despite the chaos, the endless hair, and the occasional chewed shoe, you will realize that life pre-dog was just existence, not living. They ruin and replace your carefully constructed life with a fuller and messier one. They ruin you with their unconditional love.
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